It's okay not to be okay

Thursday, 8 November 2018

For someone who hates to take blogging breaks, I sure take a lot of 'em...

I promised to myself after my post all about the Dominican Republic that I'd stick to my schedule, after so long of only blogging when I felt like it. But that obviously didn't happen, life got in the way of my blogging dreams, and we're back to one post a month.


I feel like it's only right to update you on my life - I have been very busy (to be expected with uni) and probably will be until the middle of December, after exams finish, but I've also came to lots of realisations about myself and the people around me (2018, the year of realising stuff).


Without sounding really cringe, (tbf this whole post is going to be a bit cringe - you have been warned) I've had a bit of a rubbish year-and-a-half. Obviously, good things have happened, I travelled to four countries in three months, my mum and my granny were officially cancer-free and have had countless nice days out. But my whole general mental state wasn't the best before my holidays, and that more or less continued right until the start of October. 

I struggle a lot with how I feel, and before my exams started in April I was so anxious about failing, and then once they were over and I realised I panicked for nothing, I'd panic over little things. Then, I thought (spoiler alert: I was wrong) I had got over this overwhelming sense of anxiety I just lived with, it all started again. But this time, it went on for months and it was absolutely horrific. I hate feeling so powerless, and it made me realise that I had got myself into a situation with someone who just didn't understand what I was going through. 

I made the decision that I was going to put myself first, and that meant cutting someone who "cared" about me out of my life (arguably if you care about someone you'd at least try and understand their struggles, but that's another story for another day). I realised I was living life to please other people too much - at the end of the day, I do want a good degree, but not at the expense of my health and wellbeing. And since deciding that, that I don't have to analyse every aspect of my life in order for things to go "right", I've been much happier. 


I don't get that stressed about uni anymore (there's always a little stress, but not to the point where I make myself ill), I stopped stressing about my relationship status (I realised that I was dating for all the wrong reasons), and just generally stopped worrying about things I can't control anymore. And I can't emphasise how happier I am with the little changes I've made to my life. Of course I have days where I'm upset and things generally feel terrible, but they are few and far between. 

In relation to blogging, I just don't want to do it if I'm not in the right headspace - plain and simple. The one thing which I never want to do is release content I'm not 100% on and I know myself that I haven't been in the right headspace the past six months, but now I finally feel like I am mentally ready and I'm the happiest I've been in such a looooooong time. With that being said, I'm not going to promise blog posts three times a week - I'm putting my university work first and I'll blog when I can!

I hope you're all having a good day, thanks for reading! 

Ashleigh xxx 

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  1. Thanks for sharing...no growth without pain..and the most important thing is going THROUGh, and not being stuck..slainte!

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  2. Yes!! Absolutely love that you'' be putting uni first. Always here for you if you need anything Ash xx

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